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A Friend in the End
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A Friend in the End Is it really that hard to be friends with an ex? Really? After my last post, y'all got me wondering. Let me search my archives for relationships that were of any consequence during the 15 years I spent sowing oats between high school and marriage. Join me for a trip down Lovers Lane, won't you? Matt: Didn't want to be his friend since he bathes in bong water  . I doubt even HE knows where he's living right now.Jason: He just plowed my driveway (no, my REAL driveway) this morning since Hubby is out of town. Still friends  ...he lives 5 minutes away.Rick: Smacked me once in a drunken rage and spent the next three days getting the taste of my instep out of his teeth. No dice. Is currently living in Florida and is married to an FBI agent. Ron:  He was an idiot. We had nothing in common when vertical. He lives in Florida with a wife and four (his younger brother is still a friend).Gene: friends...distance prohibits more, but we chat once in a while. He lives in Chicago, I think. He's probably on this site, now that I think about it. If you are, Babe- HOLLA! Brett: Time and distance...no hard feelings, though. Currently married and living somewhere down South. Tim: Met his current wife while on a date with me, lol. If he hadn't moved to Cali, I think we could have been friends, but it didn't end very well. Nick: Married with three kidlets, but our friendship thrives (note to self: his B-day is tomorrow!). He lives 5 miles away. Huh. I don't know how to interpret my findings except to say that I dated some really HOT guys now that I look back on it, lol. When it comes to the ones I am friends with, time was definitely needed before we could explore being anything at all, although the time lapse was shorter with the guys I didn't sleep with. When it comes to the dudes I'm NOT friends with, there was a major event that stood in the way of us ever moving forward. Matt and Ron- infidelity (theirs), Rick (alcoholism and abusive tendencies- I didn't stick around to find out after the first punch was thrown)... But some of these relationships lasted at least a year and in some cases, more than two years. I never even had sex with a few of them (though they still counted as 'significant relationships'  . THAT GUY lasted six months and we never had sex (in person). Shouldn't that mean it should be easier to shift into the friendship zone? Is there an inverse correlation between the relevance of a relationship and the length of time required to repair it? That's a dumb question, isn't it? Just allow me this verbal vomit session, lol. I have to deal with the Hornet today- this might be the only chance I get to get a word in edgewise .When it comes to sex, I need a STRONG connection. Otherwise, the page just keeps buffering and takes FOREVER to load... |
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GOOD
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The only other "ex" is the mother to my children. No ex-sex with her, and NOT considering it either, but atleast now we're cordial to each other. So, she's the only "ex" I associate with. Like I said before, it's just cordial.
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Interesting post...and I don't think the relevance/time question is at all "dumb". More to the point would be if the relationship was worth "salvaging" and would survive dropping back to "good friend" status without either individuals' ego taking an emotional hit... the kind that leaves invisible scars that tend to resurface at inopportune and uncomfortable times. I plead guilty to feeling like the greater-offended party more than once...in much younger days. I've also tried my best to remember and learn from the mistakes of my youth and put immature attitudes behind me, but to no avail. The exes' whereabouts may be known, but that's where it ends.
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1/14/2012 5:55 pm |
I am friends with most of my ex girl friends. Maybe it's only a couple of correspondences a year, but always keep up on where life is taking them. Like someone else posted earlier, there was something there when you got together. With one of them we have both been through a marriage or two and have used each other as a sounding board to get through the ruff times. Differences in life have kept us from becoming more but we both seem to be happy knowing we have a strong friendship to help each other when needed. And even though we live a couple of hours a part we always make it a point to have little time together every now and then.
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just a question because i am the devils stand in on most days but ask hubby how many of his old flames have moved onto friend status. especially ones he has seen and tasted naked. betting it is a different story.
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Well being that I have never had a relationship last a year .... or a month for that matter. I don't know if there is a correlation at that length of time. But I do know that of the women I have dated or made my intentions clear that I wanted to date. I'm really only still in contact with one. And that was the last one from back in November. But it was rarely me wanting to cut communication.
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I always make it a point to get out of a relationship while there is still enough love and respect left for us to be friends. It served me well, thus far. It makes moving on so much easier and no future "victims of my charms " could say I bad mouth an ex.
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A longer relationship provides ample opportunity to ponder post-relationship life and mourn the end before it ever happens, so you are actually done grieving by the time it ends. There is also usually no regrets about what might haves and you often you feel you gave it the best chance. Shorter relationships, especially ones with emotional intensity, are not afforded those circumstances. Smart as a horse and hung like Einstein.
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It's probably a little different with women. I'm sure most of your exes still want to fuck you whereas most of mine still want to fuck me, but I can assure you that any similarity in those activities ends with the homonym.
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1/13/2012 9:28 am |
Wish I could say the same but I don't speak with any Ex, boyfriend or otherwise. I moved away from home at 18 so I lost touch w/most and when I returned I did re-plow the field with my first love. We went our separate ways but he will always remain in my heart... I have no idea where he lives w/wife & kids... My Ex Husband has possession issues so we don't speak but I know if he could get over himself we could be friends... so Hmmm you are making me think...
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1/13/2012 9:00 am |
Always good to reflect back . As it can help going forward . We all have a past and a future to come . I do find that i don't stay friends with the women i dated . My issue's not theirs . As i just wanted it cut clean . I do see a few from time to time . And i do say Hi , as i'm not a complete social misfit !!
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1/13/2012 8:42 am |
Why deny a guy just because he smokes weed?
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1/13/2012 8:23 am |
I don't think it has anything to do with the length of the relationship, just the maturity level and depth of understanding between the partners. I've stayed friends/friendly with almost every lover I've ever had - there's a tenderness there I feel towards them that never leaves. Well except, like you, for the one or two that are gone for good reason and/or can't handle the friend thing on their side, lol... "I reject your version of reality & substitute my own"  Offended Yet? Sign Here: [post 2929227] I mean seriously, DO IT!! Have you ever tried Sloggin' it? Blogger Slogger The best of some of the Canucks I love: [blog CanadaWeek]
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