Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
Debbie Does Just About Everyone in Akron , Ohio
|
Debbie Does Just About Everyone in Akron , Ohio If you're swinging an ax , chopping wood or the like not just swinging it around for laughs , and the head flies off the handle (that's the origin of the term flying off the handle BTW) and happens to massacre someone walking by - are you criminally liable in anyway ? A lot of people said this would be manslaughter but that doesn't sound right to me - I thought for manslaughter you had to be negligent in some way . This ax scenario seems akin to if you're driving along not speeding or being reckless or anything and the car in front of has a blow-out or something and you can't avoid them and smash into them - shitty luck but nothing criminal . Unless they could somehow prove you knew the axhole was loose . Like you had taken the ax in to be fixed and then it cost too much so you just left . But even then if you were out chopping wood I think they'd have to also somehow prove that you knew that someone might be in the ax-head "danger zone" . Of course now that I've written this if that ever does happen to me I will be accused of murder . Like that one Episode of the Practice where the dude has the club in the shape the edge of his table . Remember the Practice ? I do . Once a long time I posted a version of the "Theseus Paradox" from John Dies at the End about an ax . I'll repost it here to pad this blog real nice . Let’s say you have an ax . Just a cheap one, from Home Depot . On one bitter winter day , you use said ax to behead a man . Don’t worry , the man was already dead. Or maybe you should worry , because you’re the one who shot him . He had been a big , twitchy guy with veiny skin stretched over swollen biceps , a tattoo of a [BANNED] on his tongue . Teeth filed into razor-sharp fangs , you know the type . And you’re chopping off his head because , even with eight bullet holes in him , you’re pretty sure he’s about to spring back to his feet and eat the look of terror right off your face . On the follow-through of the last swing , though , the handle of the ax snaps in a spray of splinters . You now have a broken ax . So , after a long night of looking for a place to dump the man and his head , you take a trip into town with your ax . You go to the hardware store , explaining away the dark reddish stains on the broken handle as barbecue sauce . You walk out with a brand new handle for your ax . The repaired ax sits undisturbed in your garage until the next spring when , on one rainy morning , you find in your kitchen a creature that appears to be a foot-long slug with a bulging egg sac on its tail . Its jaws bite one of your forks in half with what seems like very little effort . You grab your trusty ax and chop the thing into several pieces . On the last blow , however , the ax strikes a metal leg of the overturned kitchen table and chips out a notch right in the middle of the blade . Of course , a chipped head means yet another trip to the hardware store . They sell you a brand new head for your ax . As soon as you get home with your newly-headed ax , though , you meet the reanimated body of the guy you beheaded last yea r. He’s also got a new head , stitched on with what looks like plastic weed trimmer line , and it’s wearing that unique expression of “you’re the man who killed me last winter” resentment that one so rarely encounters in everyday life . You brandish your ax . The guy takes a long look at the weapon with his squishy , rotting eyes and in a gargly voice he screams “That’s the same ax that slayed me !” Is he right ? In other news I was on the phone with tech support for a long time yesterday because the tech support people were having network issues themselves , which is obviously funny . The point is the lady said "sit and spin" at least 20 times during that conversation . Not like at me as in "well you can go sit and spin jerkface !" but things like "All we can do is sit and spin" . That's the truest thing I've ever heard . Also do people even say that anymore ? I feel like that's a bygone expression . Also I loved my sit and spin when I was a lad - I guess I was too fancy to just spin in circles on my own . The key was to lean your head forward on the handle so you didn't get dizzy . Another key was not doing it where your sisters would wail on you with a wiffleball bat . I was listening to a podcast the other day about how snakes come up the drains in people's toilets (you see the sink and the show have a trap in them which dissuades snakes but the toilet does not - so that's where they go) and several of these tales had seeing the snake come out of the toilet and telling their parent and said parent not believing them . So I did one of my famous twitter polls asking people how old their had to have been before they would believe them when they said "there's a snake in the toilet" and I was surprised because most people said they would believe it regardless of age . The other thing that surprised me was how many people when confronted with a snake in the toilet try to kill it . Seems like the wise move would be to call animal control or the like . Perhaps that's just me being fancy again though . Remember in Snakes on Plane when the snake bites that dude's dick ? I do . That happens IRL a lot more than you'd think . You know what else happens a lot more than you think ? People surviving lightening strikes . 90% live , although they're often really fucked up . How is that even possible ? A lightening bolt is 30,000 degrees Kelvin - that's 5-6 times hotter than the damn sun ! How can you survive that ? Did you know that thunder is caused by the heat of the lightning rapidly increasing the temperate of the air and causing a shockwave effect ? I didn't . Also I don't even really understand it . Air expanding rapidly = a sound how ? Air the air smash into other slower air next to it ? What the heck even is a soundwave ? Besides the most awesome Transformer .  And finally , this is not a complaint not a whiny way to say "I want more attention" but I am curious if there's anyone here who's been blogging as long and regularly as I have that less readers than me . Also I'm curious how long most people stick around here . I've seen a lot of people come and go . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
||||
|
An infinity of life experience, though you can only grab onto it for a passing moment Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
| |||
|
I just checked, you and I have been around for almost the same amount of time - your first post was July 2006, mine was October 2006. Now I feel sort of compelled to try to find someone who started blogging before July 2006. Not tonight though.   
| |||
|
Gee, I come expecting wrestling and I get philosophy. So, sorry Re-animated thug....it is not the same ax that killed you. But it's the same ax wielder (if that makes you better) People come and go ... and come back. Kinda hard to keep track sometimes. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
| |||
|
I grew up in a town in the Pacific North West called Gualala. Besides Jack London the author of such books as Call of the Wild etc. the other famous was a guy named Paul Bunion. I know this is true because it was on an official street sign as a point of interest. Now we have Redwoods there. So big you could carve out the center and drive a car through them and it still be growing. Now as we all know Paul Bunion had a special Ax. His ax was double headed. As the legend goes Pual would axe trees one day a week and the rest of the week the rest of the would be cleaning up. The question would be if a tree fell in a forest would it make any noise? Probably not, because we compare that noise to that of when an ax man uses axes on the tree to fell it. Hopefully he gets out before the fall. My question who knows how to use an ax would prob know how to use an Awl and Hammer, so with that in mind why they would go to an ax store for repair work? Are they not confident working with wood? once bit twice shy? Not a difficult change over. As for the chip in the blade..that is what a drill and grinder are for. See the real problem you should worry about is how you spelled out the crime and it felt so personal as if you were talking just to me. I feel you wanted me too....lol https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8aT9oRp95A 2 @4&20
| |||
|
Thanks for reminding me that despite superior (and much shorter) material, I only have 40 some viewers despite my many years of service. Congrats...you aren't even the best at sucking it hard. Embrace the suck
|
Become a member to create a blog
