An amazing story you have to read!!
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Posted:Oct 14, 2015 2:41 pm
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2015 7:01 am
6189 Views
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There is a guy who I met who is so full of himself you can be sure he believes the sun rotates around him Anyway, he was in the hospital, having had a minor surgery but with some complications that kept in the hospital for several extra days. During all that time he'd made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating all the staff, shouting orders and demanding attention, complaining about the surgery, but also about the food, the bed, the temperature, the weather. Typical self-centered.
One morning a nurse's helper entered the room, saying, "Time to take your temperature, sir."
After growling that she was disturbing his nap, the guy finally opened his mouth for the thermometer.
"Sorry, sir," said the nurse, "but for this test we need your temperature from the other end."
After bitching about the embarrassment and inconvenience, the guy finally rolled over and bared his butt. After the nurse finished, she said, "Stay exactly like that and don't move. I'll be back in five minutes to check up on you."
The nurse left, leaving the door ajar. The guy's back is to the door, and for over an hour, he hears people wandering up and down the hall, laughing. At length the guy's doctor entered the room, saw the guy with his bare butt in the air and gawked. Finally, he asks, "What's going on here?"
The guy barks, "Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"
"Not with a daffodil."
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Are condoms the oldest form of birth control?
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Posted:Oct 13, 2015 9:25 am
Last Updated:May 19, 2024 2:26 am
6242 Views
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I read a blog where the author claimed condoms were the oldest birth control method.
My understanding is this: Condoms are not the oldest form of birth control. In Egypt and Mesopotamia as early as 1850 BCE women used acacia gum, honey, acacia leaves and lint placed in teh vagina to block sperm. Even the book of Genesis written by Moses in the 14th C BCE used coitis interruptus.
Many of the complaints about condom use are factual., In 2013 the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation issued 11 grants of $100,000 each to research organizations to come up with improved condoms. One grant to the Univestity of Wollongong in Australia was a hydrogel where feeling may actually be improved during sex.
Check it out. Tell me if this is right or wrong.
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DO YOU FART IN BED?
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Posted:Oct 10, 2015 2:39 pm
Last Updated:Oct 26, 2015 2:02 pm
6405 Views
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IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING
SO HARD, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only fricition in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water. And make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor. She was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then one Thanksgiving morning she was preparing the turkey for dinner. He was upstairs asleep. She looked at the innards and neck and gizzard, liver and all the spare parts. A malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep. Pulling back the waistband of his underpants she emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream. That was followed by the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran to the bathroom. His wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes. After years of torture she reckoned she had gotten him pretty good.
About twenty minutes later her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, “Hone you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.”
“What do you mean?” his wife asked.
“Well you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.”
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Truth is stranger than fiction
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Posted:Sep 30, 2015 10:15 am
Last Updated:May 19, 2024 2:26 am
5977 Views
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Truth is stranger than fiction. This is a true story from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2 a year ago.
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to See hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.
The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.
As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat."
The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened.
They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold.
Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read:
IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING...
And this was my friend’s comment when he sent me the story: "My brother just told me that there's a sperm bank in his neighborhood that pays $40 for a ."
"Yeah, so?"
"Don't you realize?" Phil cried. "I've let a fortune slip through my fingers!"
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One of the great quotes..
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Posted:Sep 29, 2015 12:31 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2024 2:26 am
5747 Views
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It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
~Theodore Roosevelt
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Penis Size --- more facts and questions.
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Posted:Sep 15, 2015 8:15 am
Last Updated:Sep 15, 2015 2:07 pm
6723 Views
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In 2013 the Journal of Sexual Medicine published a study about how likely are men to feel anxiety about the perceived size of their penis. What the study found was even men with average or above-average , along with less well endowed, expressed feelings of inadequacy and self-consciousness. The study showed 35% of men were happy with their penis size; 30 percent were dissatisfied. Nothing in the article I read said anything about the other 35% who were not satisfied or dissatisfied. Does that mean they had not used their penis in such a long time they did not know what length it was when hard?
Penis anxiety was highest among gay, bisexual, and older men. Why would you guess?
The article I read also said there was a most desirable size --- for one night stands. A 2014 study presented at the meeting of the Association for Psychological Science in San Francisco four girth, not length matters for one-time partners, but not for long-term ones.
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Penis size and condoms
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Posted:Sep 14, 2015 9:37 am
Last Updated:Sep 15, 2015 7:56 am
6639 Views
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I understand that several studies have been done that show that 1 out of 5 East Indian men have penises so small normal sized condoms fall off. So now they are making smaller condoms for East Indians.
So is it an issue just for East Indian men? Or does it spread to Vietnamese? Philipinos? Thai men? Camboians? Chinese?
I would like more information..
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New game
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Posted:Sep 12, 2015 2:05 pm
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2015 8:18 am
6536 Views
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I give you ten words, you type the first word that pops into your head. There are no real rules. Yes you can play on Saturday or later in the week.
1- flop
2-make
3-need
4-huge
5-use
6-top
7-bottom
8-long
9-new
10-clear
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Borrowed the Car
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Posted:Sep 11, 2015 8:39 am
Last Updated:May 19, 2024 2:26 am
6355 Views
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After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born through college somehow, don't I?"
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Not the way I had planned for it to end.
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Posted:Sep 4, 2015 8:12 am
Last Updated:May 19, 2024 2:26 am
6851 Views
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We had been chatting through the site, but moved off to a private conversation. She told me she was 19 and had been married for a year. She said her husband had mentioned swinging, but she had simply listened. He did not know she had been talking about getting together for play time one day. When she got her ticket she said to me several times she really felt “giddy” because it was going to happen.
I was surprised the night before she was to arrive when her husband got on the phone and said he knew she was going to see me and he was cool with it. For me that is better. I do not get excited about the thought of a potentially jealous husband chasing me down.
The first things I noticed when she arrived were the bruise marks on her neck (she had them on her body, too.) I asked about them. Her husband got upset with her, she said and then she wanted to change the subject. She was wearing blue jeans and blouse with tennis shoes. I was dressed in suit and tie.
We found a motel in the city and checked in. She was nervous and said that on the way there. She had never done anything like this before. Yes, the sex in her marriage had gotten boring. Once in the room, I gazed down into her eyes, our faces drew together and lips parted as they touched one another’s and we were soon locked in a deep passionate kiss that we held for a long time.
We moved to the bed and laid back, moving together wrapped in one another. Our bodies wriggled and rolled against one another as we kissed deeply and strongly. She later said I had a long tongue. Do I? News to me. But ok. My hands roamed up and down her back and over her legs. Finally I moved under her shirt to undo her bra. Only happens in real life, I could not get one of the hooks undone. In fact that is unusual for me. I usually get the bra undone. She sat up and finished unhooking and took off her top. I asked if she liked her nipples squeezed and twisted. “A little bit, but they are very sensitive.” We continued to kiss as I played with her breasts. We sat up and finished undressing, threw the bed covers back, and wrapped our naked bodies around one another. My fingers found their way to her clit and I began to massage it. Every once in a while I would dip my finger or fingers into her pussy. She was wet and getting wetter and wetter as we played. She was holding my cock and moaning with the pleasure of my fingers.
She as already wriggling and swaying with excitement as I moved down to suckle her nipples, still playing with her clit and pussy. Then I moved further down moving between her legs and sucking her clit into my mouth. I was nibbling, rubbing, rolling her clit in my mouth. Every so often my tongue slid down her pussy cavity to lick up her juices. She was rolling and bucking up and gyrating with the pleasure of me on her pussy. She had not yet cum when I moved up. I needed to feel her pussy surround my cock. I was soon in her and pumping slowly. She was tight around my shaft. It was feeling so good. And we were kissing again, as I let her taste herself. As I neared climax, I pulled out and slid back down to work her pussy with my mouth again. She was up and gyrating and soon cumming hard. I continued a slow circling her pussy with my tongue as she came down from the climax.
I moved up again and was inside pumping. I lifted her legs over my shoulders and drove in thrusting and pumping. But before I came, I was out again. I wanted to build to a huge orgasm.
She moved down and had my cock in her mouth. She was working my cock and rubbing my balls. I was moving up and down fucking her mouth. Again I was about to cum.
I rolled off and continued kissing as my fingers again found her clit to massage. I rolled and pressed her clit with my fingers. She was tense and excited. She was wiggly and panting and moaning, and cumming. I continued to finger her. AND THEN IT HAPPENED!
There was a knock on the door. Another knock. I shouted out, “We are busy.” Another knock. Then the key was inserted into the lock and the door opened. I was happy I had set the dead lock. The door closed. But the mood was lost.
I tend to be paranoid in times like these. When we checked in, she was wearing blue jeans and blouse with tennis shoes, very casual. I was dressed in suit and tie. I had pulled up in my big Mercedes. I could picture the situation from the perspective of the motel receptionist. An old guy in a suit picks up a barely legal and checks into the motel. I could picture her calling the police and the police waiting for us to leave the room and arrest her for and me for hiring a . It would all sort out that was not true, but in the meantime, it might be a trip to the police station and a phone call home. Probably would not sit well with my wife.
My thoughts racing and sex was no longer the subject of my thoughts. I went through a scenario that she ask for an attorney. Do not discuss anything with the police. (I do not trust them—they try to make it seem like they are going to let you go and get the other person, when, in fact, they want to get your cooperation to convict you of a crime. I am convinced the police are brainwashed in police academy into believing that everyone is a criminal and all actions are criminal actions. But now I am digressing.) We showered and dressed and left separately. I went first and said I would text if it was ok for her to leave.
I knew it might have been the cleaning people, but still my paranoia crept into plans. There were no police. Once I got to my car, I texted and called.
Sure enough it was the cleaning people. There were no police. There was no arrest. And my huge orgasm I had planned? It will have to wait for another time. Not the way I wanted this to end. Oh well……
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